For me motivation is that spark that moves me. It unsticks me from a thought or a belief in a condition. Today it came from reading a few sections in the book “The Nature of Things” by Jeff Anderson. I have been pondering on my own goodness, of how my life really is blessed. My day job is in its calm phase; that time of year where I am reviewing and rewriting documentation and reviewing processes so they work better during our busy season. This is creative for me and it is a time where I can learn without being in the fire at the same time. Outside of this arena, I have two goals that are coming into fruition regarding being a Licensed Practitioner: “Spirit Walks” and “Strung with Love: Prayer Mala Workshops.” These are areas that I have nurtured in my own life and want to share them via planned events. I love the creative process and also the awareness that is coming up for me just by being open; being willing to share this part of me. It is also camping season where I plan a few trips out into nature with my travel trailer and be with my partner and dog away from the routine, away from the normal interactions of the day and into a space that allows for rest, creativity and discovery. We meet new people, learn about new places and maybe go back to a place that we enjoyed the previous year. The woods and its trails, the ocean and its beaches and rocks and if the two converge, it is a beautiful thing.
Yet over the last week or two I have felt stuck as if I have positioned my oars into the water against the current. My boat is in the flow… it is flowing in the right direction, and yet I feel like I’m causing some drag. This summer has many other things planned; other activities for which I have input or tasks due by set dates. I have bead orders to place, mala orders to fill, blogs to moderate and activities to coordinate. There is always something creative to do and yet I have not felt motivated to stay in the flow. But this morning I think I got a small break through. I have had an attachment to how time used to move slower or at least felt like it did when I was younger. I don’t like how time seems to fly by now, how the pages of my calendar seem to be turning at a rapid pace or how it seems in my mind that yesterday was March and not the last week of June. I have found myself fighting; hence sticking my oars against the current and by doing so thinking I can slow down time.
But as I was so lovingly reminded in my reading this morning, it is the nature of things to move forward. Life is forward moving and I know that I am where I am supposed to be. I know that what is happening is because I am in the right place and whatever attachment I have had to the feeling regarding time when I was younger needs to be released so I can fully enjoy, experience and embrace what is before me now and the feelings that come with it. Per Jeff in his book, “Our attachment to the idea of the way it is supposed to be is the cause of our struggle. What if there is another, better idea that we just haven’t thought of yet, or that we have thought of but simply refuse to consider because of our attachment to the old idea?” At that moment I realized I was holding on to an old idea and my current life could not flow while I was still attached to it. I need to let it go, as wonderful as it is to remember how time seems to move slowly as a child, and consider what the perfect feeling is that I am to embrace now. What is it? I’m not too sure but I tell you, as I let this wonderful life of mine continue in the flow of the current, I will find that feeling, that sense of elation and it will be perfect.